


Dying to be Loved

by Djmoniemone



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Abusive Relationships, John is a Saint, M/M, Protect Alex 2k17, tags are ever changing, thomas is an ass
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-09-28 15:55:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10130594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Djmoniemone/pseuds/Djmoniemone
Summary: Alex's relationship with Thomas turned sour a long time ago, but he still refuses to admit that it is time to let go.  He loves Thomas with all of his heart and truly believes the man he met so long ago is still inside of him.





	1. You saved me (from the rain)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, thank you for giving my little fic a shot. This is my first work, so bear with me. This fic may be triggering for some people, so do read carefully.

  
He stared at his reflection in the mirror. The bruise on his left cheek was already starting to darken, and his bottom lip was beginning to swell. He opened he concealer , searching for the motivation to start covering the injuries as best as he could. The bruise he could cover relatively easily, but there was not much he could do about the lip. He tried to bring the pad up to his face again, but failed to start. Suddenly, someone banged on the locked bathroom door, and Alex winced a little more than slightly, making his injuries cry in pain.“Alex, hurry your worthless, pathetic ass up. We have to meet Hercules and Lafayette in an hour. If your ass isn't done in 15 minutes, I'm dragging you out by your hair. Understand?”  
“Yeah babe,” he responded, his voice sounding more high pitched and scared than he had meant it to. “I'll be ready in a few.” With that, he heard retreating footsteps letting Alex know he is once again alone. He looked back at himself in the mirror, desperately wondering how things had gotten this bad. He wasn't always like this.

_It was storming the first time Alex met Thomas. In hindsight, Alex probably should have taken that as a sign. He was standing at the bus station; the pouring rain making his hair stick to his face, clinging to his arms to trap in any heat from his too thin jacket. **Damn** , he thought, **what a great day to forget your umbrella. Idiot**. It was as if some god somewhere had heard his pleas because he was startled out of his thoughts when a strange gentleman holding a black umbrella approaches him. “Are you trying to catch your death?” the stranger asked gently. “Surely someone as beautiful as you has more important things to do.” _  
_Alex blushed slightly at the man’s compliment. “I'm just waiting for my ride home,” Alex responded unsure as to where this was going. “Well I can't just leave you here soaking and cold. How about I take you to the coffee shop down the street, and we’ll get you all warmed up?” the stranger asked. **Hot coffee does sound good right about now… But wait, I don't know this man he could be an ax murderer for all I know,** Alex contemplated to himself. As if able to read his thoughts, the man continued, “ I keep the bodies of my victims stored in the closet of my basement.” He chuckled darkly, “All joking aside, you will get sick if you stay out here a minute longer. Come with me, I promise I will let you call my momma if I am anything less than gentle with you.” His smile and extended hand were more than enough to convince Alex that he should go. One coffee can't hurt. “Okay, let’s go.” Alex ducked under the man’s umbrella, and they made their way downtown. The walk to the cafe was in peaceful, comfortable silence. Once they arrived at the cafe, they placed and received their orders and sat down at a table near the exit._

_“I'm Alex by the way. It appears I never mentioned that,” He said with a small smile quirked on his lips. “I’m Thomas… Thomas Jefferson. It's a pleasure to meet you Alex.”_  
_“So Thomas, do you make it a habit to take strangers on the street out for coffee?”_  
_“No, not usually. I just found myself drawn to you in a way I’ve never been drawn to anyone else before. There is just something different about you, and I could not pass up the opportunity to find out what it was.” Alex’s blush darkened on his tan skin as he truly looked at the man for the first time. His black curly hair cascaded down the side of his face almost down to his shoulders dampened from the rain. His sharp jawline was covered by a thick layer of stubble. Alex could honestly say he was one of the most gorgeous men he had ever seen. “Yeah. I have that effect on people,” Alex replied as he flipped his hair over his shoulder playfully, “ You're not so bad yourself.”_  
_“Why thank you.” “So…. tell me about yourself.”_  
_“Well… what do you want to know,” Alex asked shuffling slightly in his seat._  
_“Tell me everything! Where you work, your childhood, **juicy secrets** ,” Thomas wiggled his eyebrows seductively making Alex slightly less nervous. “Well I was born in Nevis, and moved to America when I was 14. Now, I'm currently working at the diner to put myself through law school… Sooooo, yeah that's me. What about you?” Alex answered quickly, praying Thomas didn't notice his rapid deflection of the question. “Woah, there's a lot more to this story than you're telling me. Or were you born a 14 year old?” He asked, laughing faintly but with a hint of real concern in his tone._  
_“Haha, no. It's just kinda personal, so that's more of a third date kind of thing. Ya know?”_  
_“Well, I may have to take you up on that offer,” Thomas responded devilishly, “ But anyways, I was born and raised in Virginia. I came to New York to work at my dad’s company.”_  
_“That's cool, what company?”_  
_“You're gonna be super shocked by this… wait for it… Jefferson Industries.”_  
_Alex's gaped at the man. “No. No way, you don't mean you're THAT Thomas Jefferson as in son of Peter Jefferson? VP of JI, the Fortune 500 company?”_  
_“The very same.”_  
_“Oh my god. This is awesome. I've never been this close to so much money in my life!” Thomas burst out laughing from Alex’s exclamation. “I'm glad to be your first,” Thomas added with an eyebrow wiggle. “Oh my god, stop,” Alex yelled. He went to play hit Thomas in the arm, but Thomas caught it in his own and didn't let go. An easy silence fell over the two as they sit staring at their conjoined hands. After what felt like hours, Thomas broke the silence. “So tell me, why do you want to be a lawyer?”_  
_Alex smiled while he pondered his answer, “Well I guess it's because I want to help people. With the state of the justice system being the way it is, I want to be a beacon of light in the darkness. Does that make any sense at all?”_  
_“Actually, it makes perfect sense. I wish there were more people in the world like you.”_  
_The night continued with Alex and Thomas talking for hours on end about everything, from hobbies to politics. They stayed at that corner coffee shop until closing, by which point the rain had stopped. Thomas offered to give Alex a ride home, but he decided he would walk home instead. With that they bid each other good night, each leaving with a slip of paper with the other’s cell phone number on it._  
_On his walk home, Alex was beaming the whole way through. **Maybe things are looking up for me.** He thought to himself, believing he may have just found his soulmate. _  
_Once settled in his apartment, Alex shot off a lengthy text to his best friend John about the “amazing Sir Thomas Jefferson” he had just met. John, in turn, responded with a supportive yet vaguely disinterested answer as one would expect from your best friend who you had just woken up at one in the morning._  
_Just as Alex settled into bed, his phone buzzed._  
****_From:maybe Thomas_  
_Hey Alex, it's me Thomas. I know you are probably asleep right now, but, I wanted to let you know that I had a great time tonight. I was hoping you would want to do it again sometime like maybe Saturday, 8 o'clock? Just let me know. G’night Thomas_  
_Alex snatched his phone off of his night stand and quickly replied, **Yes and goodnight.**_  
_He set his phone down, squealing like someone with a middle school crush. After that he couldn't seem to calm down. He tossed and turned all night planning his, hopefully last, first date._

  
After he finished concealing the bruise, he stared at himself in the mirror. I'm happy, I'm safe, I'm loved. Thomas loves me, and I love him, he repeats over and over to himself. He tried and failed to smile at his reflection, and simply left the bathroom.

 


	2. My heart beats for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexander Thomas have dinner with Lafayette and Hercules.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos I received on chapter one. I happen you enjoy this chapter. I spent a lot of time working on this instead of doing my schoolwork. :/

“You ready to go babe?” Thomas asked, his voice much gentler than before. “Yeah, let's go,” Alex answered, grasping Thomas’s outstretched hand. He gave it a light squeeze and let himself be led to the waiting car parked outside. Thomas graciously held the door open while Alex slipped inside and closed the door after him. After retreating around the car and getting inside, Thomas started the car and put it into drive. Thomas always drives, Alex thought to himself. Why is that? “Thomas, how come you always drive us?” Alex asked turning to face his boyfriend. Thomas glanced in Alex’s direction, then continued watching the road. “Alex, honey, you know I'm a better driver. I want to make sure we arrive alive,” he said accenting the last two words. He thinks I'm a terrible driver? Alex contemplated feeling slightly dejected. You know what? He’s probably right. Yeah, Thomas knows what he is talking about. Feeling slightly less angry, Alex turned and watched the trees roll by out the window. “You do understand what I'm talking about though, right?” Thomas interrupted. “I just don't want you to hurt yourself. You mean too much to me,” he reached out and cupped Alex’s face in his hand. Alexander leaned into the touch and replied, “Of course, babe. You know I trust you.” The rest of the ride to the restaurant passed without incident; they rode while listening to the soft sounds of music filling in through the speakers.  
Once they arrived at the restaurant, the couple noticed how packed the parking lot was. Knowing it would take a minute to find an adequate space, Thomas insisted that Alex goes ahead inside to meet Hercules and Laf who were already waiting for them. Alex happily obliged him, eager to see his friends for the first time in a while. As he entered the building, he was greeted by open arms and smiling faces. His friends embraced him into a tight hug. After several seconds of muttered ‘I missed you’s, Alex had to pull away claiming he could no longer breathe. When he stood back up to full height, Lafayette’s breath hitched at the sight of his friend. “Mon ami, what happened?” He leaned in closer to whisper into Alex’s ear, “Did Thomas hurt you again?” Alex shuddered at the feeling of Lafayette's warm breath on his neck but laughed half heartedly at his friend’s words. “You know how klutzy I am. This is just from a lost battle with a bookshelf,” He answered, gesturing at his split lip. Lafayette gave him a disapproving look, but said nothing. Hercules opened his mouth as if to comment when suddenly the hostess yelled, “Mulligan, party of four!” The trio made their way over to the hostess and proceeded to follow her. Alex told the woman that his boyfriend Thomas would be arriving soon enough. She simply nodded and showed them to their table towards the back.  
In the dim lighting of the restaurant, Alex’s face was casted in shadow and barely visible. He prayed that his friends wouldn’t be able to see his face, and would stop questioning the bruises, so they could enjoy their evening. He hated lying to them, but they didn't understand his and Thomas’s relationship. Hercules and Lafayette were different people than Thomas and Alex, that's why their relationships were so different, and different was perfectly okay. Or, at least that's what Thomas always said.  
Any hope of letting the topic fall away was shattered as Hercules asked, “So how come we never see you much any more? We get together with John like every week or so and you never come out with us anymore.” Alex blushed a little at the unwanted attention but responded, “You know Thomas keeps me busy at the office. I've been so busy with work; I haven't had much time for anything except sleep. Well, that and date night.” Alex became a lawyer for Thomas’s company after he graduated from law school. He wasn't saving the poor and disenfranchised from the toil of the justice system like he had originally planned, but he was able to be around Thomas every day, so he was happy. “Well, we’ll have to make sure Thomas gives you more time off then,” Lafayette started matter-of-factly. “Oh, speak of the devil, and he shall appear!” Alex turned to find his boyfriend coming to sit in the seat beside him gruffly and looking more than slightly pissed. “I couldn’t find parking anywhere in this damn place. Once I actually found a damn place to park, some asshole tried to take it from me. I had half a mind to-” Alex tried to quiet his boyfriend’s rant with a peck on the cheek and calming words, “Baby, relax. You're here with us now.”  
“Yeah whatever,” Thomas huffed under his breath. “Always a pleasure to see you Thomas,” Hercules remarked slightly sarcastically.  
“Are we ready to see the menu?” the hostess asked smiling brightly, unaware of the current mood of one of her customers. The four men looked up at her and received the menus she was passing out. “I’ll give you guys a minute to figure out what you would like to order, but can I start you off with something to drink?” The four of them all ordered water; the waitress smiled and told them she would be back in just a few minutes. “So, Thomas how’s the company? Alex tells us you’ve been working him like a dog,” Hercules asked. Alex’s eyes went wide at the statement. Thomas looked over at his boyfriend, his mouth pulled into a tight line. “Baby, no that’s not what I said. I just told them I was working a lot. I love every second,” Alex said frantically waving his arms, but Thomas just smiled and looked over at the other two men. “Hercules, the company is great, and yeah you’re right. I do work Alex way too hard. The company wouldn’t be able to function without him.” He turned back toward his boyfriend. “Babe, I’m gonna press for you to get some time off soon. We’ll take a trip or something.” Alex’s face flooded with relief at his boyfriend’s words, but Hercules could see the glint of anger in Thomas’s eyes. Oh god. Alex is in trouble. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything, Hercules thought as he condemned himself silently. Hercules considered his actions while the rest of the table silently looked over their menus. The waitress returned a few minutes later with their drink orders.”Are we ready to order?”  
“Oui,” Laf began sweetly. “I will take the Fettuccine Alfredo please.”  
“Of course, and what about you sir?” She asked pointing at Hercules with her pen. “Umm, I'll have the Chicken Marsala, but can I have the sauce on the side please?”  
“Absolutely, and for you sweetie?” She continued, scribbling in her little pad. “I'll take the Bacon Burger please,” Alex responded. The waitress was nodding as Thomas remarked looking slightly disgusted, “Seriously? You're gonna order that crap. If you keep eating the way you do, you're going to get more fat and ugly than you already are.” Alex cast his head down in shame as blush creeped up his neck. “Thomas! How could you say such a thing?” Lafayette exclaimed, slamming his hand down onto the table.  
“No, Thomas is right. It's okay. I'll take the Caesar Salad instead,” Alex decided,turning back to look at the waitress. He met her horrified eyes, and he tried for a smile. The anger in her face seemed to soften into something akin to pity as she crossed out the order she had just written. “I'll take the New York Strip, cooked medium rare,” Thomas interrupted, sounding rather bored tossing the menu in the waitress’s direction. It landed on the floor with a loud smack. She picked it up off the floor, and she proceeded back into the kitchen. “Excuse me, I need to use the restroom,” Alex pushed his chair back and proceeded to the men’s room.  
“Umm. So do I. Excuse me,” Lafayette said as me made his way from the table to chase after his friend. He found him staring at his reflection in the mirror, an anguished look on his face. “He’s right, you know. I have been gaining weight,” Alex told Laf as he began picking at his stomach. Lafayette walked over to Alex and gently pushed his hand away. “No, he’s not. You are beautiful Alexander, and if he’s too dense to see that you need to leave him. Well, he's given you a host of other reasons to leave,” Lafayette’s eyes grazed over Alex’s split lip, “but that's besides the point.”  
“I’m not leaving him Laf. I love him, and he loves me.”  
“Then how do you explain the bruises? The vicious words? That's not love! You have to know that!”  
“You don't know what he's done for me. I owe him everything! The only reason he acts like that is because I make him.”  
“Alexander! No one ever has the right to treat you the way he does. I care about you; I want you to live!”  
“If you cared about me, you'd leave us alone,” Alex stormed out of the bathroom leaving Lafayette staring after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was it? Tell me how you felt, and thanks again for reading!


	3. A Lesson in Propriety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A continuation of the dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I experienced writer's block for the first time. I had no idea where I was going with this chapter, but I pulled through and finished it at like 2 am this morning. I hope you enjoy it.

Alex kept running until he found Thomas and Hercules seated at the table seemingly engaged in some sort of heated staring contest. “Thomas,” Alex began as he tried to steady his breathing. “I want you to take me home. Now.” Thomas, who was somehow oblivious to his boyfriend’s distressed state said, “Babe, we haven’t even gotten our food yet. Sit down.”

“Thomas, please. I want to go home.” Tears began to slip down Alex face as he spoke. 

“I told you. We are staying. Sit down!” He gripped Alex’s arm hard enough to bruise, pulling him back into his seat. Hercules, who was calling Lafayette back over to the table, said cautiously, “Maybe we should continue this another night.” 

“No. Let’s continue our meal. Alex is going to behave himself. Right?” Malice laced his every word as he shifted his gaze back to his boyfriend. Alex nodded attempting to steel himself to the situation, but Hercules was persistent. “No really it’s fine. It’s starting to rain pretty hard outside. We don’t want to get caught in traffic.” Hercules took Lafayette’s hand and said to Alex, “We’ll see you later. Okay?” Hercules hoped that his friend had understood the deeper meaning to his words. We’re here for you. Always. Lafayette said nothing only glanced back at his friend as the two men left the restaurant. 

“I’ll go get the car. You stay here and I’ll swing by to pick you up. Okay?” Thomas huffed as he stood from his chair and left out the front door not waiting for a response. Alex decided that he should go wait for Thomas by the front door. Thomas would be mad if he had to wait any longer than necessary, and Alex didn’t want to take the risk of causing any more trouble than he already had. 

The waitress who had served them that evening approached Alex carefully like an animal that might be spooked. She held in her hands a white to go box. She smiled at Alex as she said, “Here. This is for you. It’s on the house.” Alex took the box and opened the lid to see a hamburger and french fries on the inside. It was the Bacon Burger he had originally ordered. “I can’t accept this,” Alex responded attempting to hand the box back to the lady. “You can and you will. I insist.” She reached out and gently grazed her hand over Alex’s arm. She gave him a sad smile and walked back to the kitchen. 

Alex didn’t have time to consider the woman’s kindness because Thomas honked his horn obnoxiously from outside. Alex ran out of the restaurant and quickly jumped into the car befor he could get too wet. Thomas said nothing as he pulled away from the curb and onto the awaiting street. 

Alex kept quiet as he could practically feel the rage radiating off of Thomas. He sat with his hands folded over the box while he watched the rain pour down outside the window. It was coming down in thick sheets preventing Alex from being able to see anything but it. The light pitter patter of the droplets caused him to feel sleepy, so he laid his head against the window and closed his eyes.

When the couple arrived home, Thomas slammed the car door. He stormed through the front door not even checking to see if Alex had gotten out of the car yet. After quickly rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, Alex slinked out towards the front door not caring about the rain falling on him. He prayed Thomas had gone into their bedroom to cool off. He creeped slowly into the house, shutting the door silently after him. He turned and found himself face to face with his boyfriend. “What the hell was that?” He asked closing the gap between them. “What do you mean, Thomas?” Alex retreated back against the door. “You know what the hell I mean. You spent a week whining to me about going out with your dumb friends. I finally say yes, and you ruin the entire evening? What the hell?” Not wanting to explain the whole situation with Lafayette in the bathroom, he shrugged and answered, “I'm sorry. I was tired.” 

“No. That’s bullshit. Answer me, damn it!” At this point, Thomas was pacing around the room gesturing wildly in Alex’s direction. He stopped suddenly about five feet from Alex’s face and yelled, “What’s in your hands?” pointing to the white box Alex had carried in. “Nothing important,” Alex replied trying to move the box away from view. “You’re lying. Give it to me now!” Fearing retribution, Alex quickly handed the box over to Thomas. Thomas snatched the box from Alex and opened it. “I know you did not have that bitch of a waitress give you this crap after I specifically told you that you couldn’t have it. Why are you so hell bent on disobeying me?”

“I’m sorry Thomas. I didn’t ask for it I swear! She just handed it to me; I promise.”

“There you go with the lies again,” Thomas responded. He scratched at his beard as he shook his head. “I think I have a smart compromise that will work for the both of us. You can have it Alex.” He squinted at Thomas not fully trusting him. “Really? Why did you suddenly change your mind?” Thomas said nothing as he opened the box and emptied the contents onto the floor. “What the hell, Thomas?” Alex rushed over towards his boyfriend but stopped short of the mess on the floor. Thomas raised an eyebrow as he finally spoke,”You wanted to eat it so bad. Be my guest.” He gestured at the floor. “Thomas, you know I’m not eating that.”

“I’m sorry what did you say because it sounded an awful lot like you were telling me ‘no’ and that simply couldn’t be. Right?”

“Thomas stop being ridiculous and help me cleaning this up.” At this point Alex was more annoyed than scared when he once again looked at the mess strewn over the floor. 

He was shocked at the force of the slap that reverberated through his bones. The pain that followed made his knees tremble which was all the encouragement Thomas needed to force Alex to his knees. “You don’t tell me ‘no’. You understand?” Still reeling from the slap, Alex nodded and clutched at his now red cheek. “Eat!” Thomas practically screamed into Alex’s face. Slowly Alex picked up one of the pieces of bun and raised it to his mouth. “No,” Thomas smacked the bread from his hand before continuing, “Eat it like the little bitch you are.” He pushed Alex’s back roughly into the pile of food with his foot. Pausing only momentarily to glance up at his boyfriend’s cold eyes, Alex began to eat the food up off of the floor like a dog. 

After eating about half of the burger and being thoroughly covered in ketchup and grease Alex said, “Thomas, I’m not doing this anymore.” He slowly straightened his back and made to stand. Before he could however, Thomas kicked him back down. He stood over his boyfriend as he said, “One of these days sweetheart, you are going to realize that your life would be so much easier if you just listened to me, but I guess you need another lesson.” Alex barely had enough time to protect his face as the blows started raining down on him. He rolled to the side to try to keep the blows from being too bad. He laid curled in a ball for several minutes as Thomas hit, kicked, and brutalized him. Sometime during the assault, Alex began to cry. He made no attempts to fight back as he had no fight left. He just prayed that Thomas would be done soon. 

Alex didn't move as Thomas stopped and walked away from him making some barely perceptible comment about cleaning up. He stayed curled in that ball for a few more minutes making sure that Thomas had truly gone. He was having trouble breathing, and he knew that he would need medical attention. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his phone. He nearly dialed Laf’s number but decided against it. He thought telling Laf about what just happened would only further bolster his argument against their relationship. He felt he was left with only one option. He needed to call John. He grimaced at thought of another person knowing and having an opinion on his relationship, but John was a doctor and wouldn’t leave his friend in distress like that. He slowly dialed the numbers, and after a few calming breaths he pressed call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was it? Good? Bad? Terrible? Let me know in the comments below.


	4. When You Were Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we meet John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Here's the next chapter. I hope you guys enjoy.

John was startled awake at the sound of his phone ringing. He thought about just letting it go to voicemail but decided that it must be important if someone was calling him so late. He grabbed his phone saw that it was Alex and immediately hit answer. The sound of the other man on the opposite line was like nothing he had ever heard from his friend in his lifetime. He sounded so scared and broken. “Hello J-John,” Alex spoke first.

“Alex? What’s wrong?” John responded, his worry increasing. “Could you come pick me up? I need your help.”

“Of course. Where are you?”

“My-My house,” Alex choked out. John wondered as to why Alex had called him instead of his boyfriend Thomas but decided not to ask. “The door’s unlocked. Please hurry,” Alex said suddenly before hanging up the phone.   
John raced out of bed and hurriedly put on his shoes. He considered changing from his pajamas, opted against it, and ran to his car. He mashed on the gas and took off down the street. Luckily, it was late, so there weren’t many cars on the road, but every stoplight felt like hours. 

Once he finally reached Alex’s house, he jumped out of the car and ran to the front door. He paused for a moment as if considering whether or not this was a good a idea, then pressed on ahead. He opened the door with a quiet creak of the hinge to find his friend lying bruised and bloody on the floor. He raced to kneel at his friend’s side to see him better. “Alex? What happened?” John asked his brow furrowed in confusion. Alex said nothing in response as he was passed out either from the pain or some sort of head injury. John knew he needed to act quickly, so as gently as he could he scooped Alex into his arms and headed back out towards the car. 

 

Alex awoke in the backseat of John’s car looking around wildly as if the try to identify his surroundings. “John where are we going?” He asked once he got his bearings. “To the hospital. You need medical attention.” 

“No, really it's not that bad. You can patch me up right doc?” Alex asked laughing a bit at the end but worry evident on his face. Doctors ask too many questions. Questions I don't want to answer. Alex thought to himself. “Alex, your injuries could be serious. You're gonna need more than just the small supply of medical stuff I keep at the apartment.” Now John was no lawyer, but he thought his argument was pretty convincing. His objections, however, were dissolved as Alex pleaded, “Please John. I'm begging you. Please just take me home.” 

“Ok. If that's truly what you want,” John finally conceded. He turned the car around and proceeded back to his apartment. It was not very far back down the road as he had purchased it close by the hospital where he worked. 

They finally arrived at his apartment, and John had to help Alex out of the car because he nearly fell out of it on his own. John practically dragged Alex across the parking lot and up the stairs to his front door. He opened the door and helped Alex inside. He set the man down on the couch in the living room and then proceeded into his bathroom.

He walked to the cabinet on the wall above the sink and opened it. There on the bottom shelf was the first aid kit. He grabbed it and went back out to Alexander. He was sitting on the couch leaning his head back against the cushion. John went and sat down next to his friend pulling out his stethoscope. “I'm gonna listen to your chest to make sure your breathing is unobstructed. Okay?” Alex nodded slightly as he removed his hands from on top of his aching chest. John listened to both of Alex’s lungs and heard very few breath sounds coming from his right side. He knew he needed to check out his side more thoroughly. Asking and receiving silent permission from Alex, John carefully undid the buttons on Alex's shirt. What he saw made John physically cringe. There were the obvious bruises that must have come from whatever occurred tonight, but there were other things as well. There were old and fading bruises all over his body as well as scars of all sorts. John was so appalled that he couldn't stop himself as he exclaimed, “Alex what happened?”

“Don't worry about it John; you know I’m klutzy.” Alex’s total disregard of the situation made something click for John. “He’s beating you isn't he?”

“What? No.”

“So this boot shaped bruise over here is just, what? A coincidence?” John asked pointing at quite possibly one of the only scarless areas on Alex’s chest. Alex immediately shot up to see, anger rising in his face when he saw where John was pointing. “He is beating you. Alex how could you not tell me?”

“You were away, and it's not a big deal.”

“It’s a huge deal. How could you think it's not?”

“Thomas loves me, and I deserved the punishment I got.” Alex said the words as if he had said them many times before. “This isn't love. When we were together, I never laid a hand on you. No one deserves this kind of treatment.” 

“You never loved me!” Alex said voice rising in anger.

“Alex! How could you say that? You know that I loved you; we had plans on getting married one day!” 

“Yeah. Then you broke up with me and left. You don't do that to someone you love.” By now, tears had started to slip down Alex’s face. The anger in John started to dissipate. The sight of Alex crying always made his heart break. “Alex, you know why I broke up with you, and it wasn't for a lack of love. I didn't want you waiting for me in case I didn't make it back from deployment. I came back for you the minute I got home, but you had met Thomas by then. I thought you were happy, and that’s all I ever wanted.”

“I am happy,” Alex said laying his head back slowly. John said nothing only shaking his head grimly and returning to his examination. He pressed lightly on each of Alex’s sides. When he press on Alex’s left side, he got a yelp of pain from Alexander, but when he pressed on Alex’s right side the yell that came in response was enough to verify John’s initial thoughts. “Alex listen, you have a few broken ribs and a punctured lung. There isn’t much I can do about that but, I’ll get you some ice to try to keep the swelling down and some Advil for the pain. 

When John returns with the ice and Advil, he handed them to Alexander. He took them without a pause then said, “Thanks, John.” John responded with a huff, and sat in the lounge chair in front of Alex. Alex’s looked down at his phone to check the time. He had 12 angry messages from Thomas in all caps. He immediately tried to stand. “John, I gotta get home. Can you please drive me back?” Anger rising in his chest, John responded, “You’re not seriously asking me to take you back to that abusive monster? Are you?” 

“John, he’s gonna be mad if I’m not back soon.”

“Screw him!” 

“John, please,” Alex’s eyes were pleading but John didn’t budge. “You are staying here with me tonight. Then tomorrow, I'm going to kill him.”

Alex made as if he was going to start arguing with him again, but the look on John’s face told him it would be futile. He sat back down on the couch silently. “Look it's late,”John started voice sounding more calm, “I'll go get you a blanket, so you can stay on the couch. I'll call in sick from work tomorrow and we'll figure this out together. Okay?” Alex nodded and laid down on the couch.  
John returned moments later with a wool blanket and covered his friend. John smiled lightly at his friend’s closed eyes walked back into his bedroom.

 

Alex pretended to be asleep for about 30 minutes until he thought John had gone to sleep. He pulled out his phone to read his messages from Thomas. All of them were filled with vulgar names and expletives. Alex shot back a text that said, I'm so sorry. I'm at John’s house. Thomas replied only moments later, Be ready. I'll be there in a few. Alex stood, pain sparking in him as he did so, and tiptoed through the house in search of a piece of paper and a pen. 

Once he found one, he scribbled a quick goodbye to John leaving it on the couch where he was sure to see it. He creeped out of the apartment and waited for Thomas at the bottom of the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was it? Let me know. Keep the comments coming, I read every one of them, and they were hilarious. Thank you all for you kudos and kind words it really means the world to me.


	5. What the Heck I Gotta Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John finds Alex missing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, here's the next chapter.

Thomas showed up about 10 minutes after Alex walked outside. Alex slipped into the car quietly assessing his boyfriend’s mood. Thomas said nothing merely stared out of the window. Alex determined that he was fine to proceed, so he pecked Thomas on the cheek and said, “ Thanks for coming to get me, babe.” Thomas didn’t respond, simply shifting the gear into drive and pulled out of the parking lot. The two sat in eerie silence as the trees rolled by outside. Alex admired the beauty of his city, trying in vain to ignore the tension in the air. 

About halfway through the drive, Thomas said abruptly, “You don’t love me. Do you?” He looked at Alex now. His eyes were full of a deep aggression that he had never seen before. Without hesitation or a second thought Alex answered,“Thomas, of course I love you. You know that.”

“No. I don’t know that, Alexander,” his name coming off of Thomas’s tongue as if it burned, “You ran off to some other dude. What? Have you fallen out of love with me? Are you cheating on me?” The moment the words slipped from his mouth, Thomas began to swerve the car into the wrong lane. There weren’t any cars around them, but Alex thought he could see the gleam of headlights coming towards them. “Thomas, what’re you doing we’re going to crash!”

“If I can’t have you no one can!” Thomas mashed on the gas, propelling them forward until they were going nearly 120. Alex grasped at the steering wheel in an attempt to pull them into the right lane, but Thomas overpowered him, so the car only swerved. Thomas shoved Alex to the side, putting the wheel out of reach. 

The car coming down the road was now in plain view only a few hundred meters away from them. “Thomas please,” Alex cried, “Don’t do this. You know I love you. You are the only one for me.” With that, the headlights seemed to blind Alexander. He closed his eyes and curled up into himself to brace for the impact, but it never came. 

He slowly unfurled and opened his eyes to see that they were once again on the right side of the road. The car they had nearly collided with had passed them and was continuing on its own journey down the road. Thomas had been staring out ahead but when he heard Alex’s quiet mutterings about how they survived Thomas simply said, “And don’t you forget it.” Alex didn’t understand what he meant by that because he was too consumed by his fear and anger. 

He opened his mouth to ask Thomas what he meant when a realization finally hit him. He was about to have us killed to let me know he’s the only one for me? Alex thought. But he knows that I love him. Why would he do something like this? Jealousy? No. Thomas doesn’t get jealous. It’s because I went to John’s house. Isn’t it? I shouldn’t have called him. I should have stayed to try to make things right with Thomas. I’ll try to make things right.  
Alex looked over to his boyfriend and tried to place his hand atop Thomas’s on the gear shift. The moment Alex’s fingers brushed Thomas’s, Thomas moved his hand to put it on the steering wheel. Alex pouted slightly at the missed connection but thought nothing else on the matter.

 

The couple arrived at their home a little while later having ridden in complete silence after the incident. Thomas let himself out of the car and strolled through the front door with Alex lagging not far behind him. 

Once inside the two readied themselves for bed. Thomas made quick work of ridding himself of his day clothes. He changed right in front of Alex as if to mock him for the body he didn’t have without uttering a single word. Alex frowned at the sight, feeling rather self conscious especially after the events that had transpired that evening. He gathered his nightclothes and made his way to the bathroom. He didn’t turn the light on after he entered because he did not want to have to see his reflection in the mirror. He changed slowly careful not to mess with his new wounds. Putting on his shirt was especially hard because raising his arms caused them to ache. After finishing, he made his way back to his bedroom to find Thomas already in bed. The man had his back turned to Alex, so the smaller man took that as an opportunity. He crawled into bed beside Thomas and wrapped his arms around the man. Thomas immediately shoved Alex in the stomach with his elbow proclaiming, he was tired and not in the mood for games. Alex, feeling rejected yet again, thought I’ve really screwed up this time haven’t I? Alex soon fell into a restless sleep, fearing for the future of his relationship.

 

*

John awoke feeling well rested and refreshed. He was feeling unusually happy until the post wake up bliss began to recede and the events of the previous night returned. He hopped out of bed and walked down the hall to the kitchen. 

Once in the kitchen, he opened the refrigerator searching for food but not for anything in particular and yawned, “ We can go out to breakfast if you want, but you know I make a mean omelet, so I'll make it for you if you want.” John closed the fridge door and turned toward the couch where Alex was supposed to be sleeping. He didn't see the man’s head, so he walked to the front of the couch to see if he was still sleeping. His heart sank as he saw the folded blanket on top of the couch and no Alex. He noticed a small white paper laying on top of the blanket. He picked it up and read, “Thank you for tonight, but I need to get back home. I’ll see you soon. Alex.” 

John was so mad; he crumpled up the note and threw it against the wall, “What was he thinking? Going back to that asshole?” he yelled at the air. He hurriedly grabbed his phone from his room rapidly typed out a message to send to Alex but decided against it because he keep the action would do anything to stop Thomas. He decided that the only thing he could do was go over to their house and bring Alex back. He’d do whatever it took to get Alex away from him. 

John got to Alex’s house approximately 20 minutes later. If he did 60 in a 35 to get there in that time, well that was no one else’s business. He banged on the front door until someone answered. That person was none other than Thomas Jefferson. Now, John wanted to punch Jefferson in the face the moment he saw him, but he managed to maintain a face of neutrality. “I need to talk to Alex.”

“He’s still sleeping,” Thomas said looking bored. “Well, could you please wake him up? It’s important.”

“What’s so important that you showed up here at the ass crack of dawn?”

“If was information that you needed to know then I would have told you, now wouldn’t I?” John replied sarcastically. Thomas, who was now more angry than he had been when he answered the door, responded “I told you. Alex is sleeping. You need to leave. Now.” Thomas moved to close the door, but John reacted quickly. He put his hand on the door to prevent Thomas from closing it further and yelled, “ALEX!”

“That’s it,” Thomas grumbled as he swung the door open causing John to stumble forward a bit. John recovered quickly, taking a few steps back from Thomas. He looked up at the other man and saw a face of pure rage. Thomas stepped forward and swung at John. He just narrowly missed him; John gathered his strength and swung back at Thomas. His fight connected squarely with the left side of Thomas’s jaw. Shocked by the blow, Thomas doubled over himself. John shoved the man up against the doorframe with his forearm and whispered into his ear, “I know what you did to him. If you hurt him again, I swear to God I will end you.” 

At that moment Alex rushed to the door either from his name being called or from the ruckus the two men had made. “John! Stop! Let him go!” Alex insisted, trying to pry John’s arm away from his boyfriend. “No, Alex go get in the car. He can’t hurt you anymore.”

“John, no. I’m staying here. Let him go,” Alex said his voice more tender. John’s eyes met Alex’s pleading ones and he knew he would cave. John shoved Thomas against the wall once more for good measure then released him. Thomas glared at John and spat blood onto the porch in front of John’s shoes before going back into the house. 

Alex and John stood on the porch in silence staring at each other for a minute before Alex said contempt apparent on his face, “John, you shouldn’t have done that. I think you need to leave.”

“No, not without you.”

“John, you have to stop. I’m staying here.” Before John responded, he grabbed Alex’s hand, “Alex, he hurts you and I can’t stand by knowing that. You could come stay with me and I promise no one will ever hurt you again.” Alex pulled his hand away from John’s and said, “By doing this, you’re hurting me. I love Thomas and nothing’s gonna change that. Please respect me enough to respect my decisions. Goodbye John.” Alex turned away from his friend only meeting his eyes once as he closed the door. John glanced down once at his bruised knuckles before he walked back to his car and drove home vowing to find a way to save Alex. 

 

“What hell was that?” Thomas yelled at Alex as he turned away from the now closed door. “Nothing,” Alex answered quietly. Thomas now stood towering over Alex, the bruise on his jaw a dark purple hue, “Like hell it was. If you ever contact him again or if he ever comes around here again, I'll have both of your asses. Do you understand me?” 

“Okay,” Alex answered sheepishly not daring to meet Thomas’s eyes. Thomas stomped out of the room leaving Alex alone in the living room to cry softly to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know in the comments what you thought about this chapter, and once again I would like to say thank you for reading this story. It means a lot to me that you enjoy it. <3


	6. They Don't See You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A giant mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again. Here's the next chapter.

Alex stopped crying a few minutes after Thomas left the room. Wiping his nose with his hand, he decided to lay down on the couch for a while. He hoped it would give Thomas the time he needed to be alone and would give Alex some much needed rest. He closed his eyes and let himself drift off to sleep.

*  
He didn't know how long he was asleep for when Thomas gently raked his fingers through Alex’s hair whispering for him to wake up. After Alex groggily opened his eyes,Thomas said, “Hey baby. Sorry to wake you, but I called into the office today and told them we were taking the day off. I was hoping you and I could have a little ‘us’ time and spend the day together.” Alex’s face brightened at the idea. “Yeah. What are we gonna do?” 

“Whatever you want to do sweetie.” Alex sighed happily and leaned into Thomas’s touch as he thought. “We could go to the mall, I guess. There are a few things I want to look at.” 

“Of course babe. Why don’t you go ahead and shower, so we can go okay?” Thomas kissed Alex’s forehead and headed off most likely to the kitchen. 

Alex stretched his aching limbs before rising from the couch. As he made his way back to his bedroom, he saw Thomas in the sitting on the kitchen counter shoveling cereal into his mouth straight from the box like a five year old. Alex paused in the hallway, laughing at the sight of his boyfriend. Oh my god, he’s so cute. Alx thought to himself. His smile only brightened when Thomas looked up from his cereal realizing he had been spotted. Thomas responded with a gaping smile that caused some of the cereal in his mouth to fall to the floor. Alex doubled over in laughter at the sight for a few seconds before shaking his head and continuing back towards the bathroom. 

Once his shower was complete, Alex hastily ran around his bedroom in nothing but his boxer shorts searching for the perfect outfit. He wanted to look his best for Thomas. After rummaging through half of his drawers, he finally decided on a simple red button up and a pair of blue jeans. He stepped back into the bathroom once more as a final check. He saw that the bruise on his cheek was healing nicely, but he decided to cover it some. He tied his hair up and left the bathroom. 

Thomas was standing at the door, dressed in a black t-shirt with a jean jacket overtop, waiting for Alexander. “You look great, babe, but you know that I like it when you keep your hair down,” Thomas told Alexander. Even though he didn’t like his hair touching the back of his neck, Alex happily obliged his boyfriend. He pulled the hair tie out and let his hair fall gracefully over his shoulders. He struck a cute pose for his boyfriend before grabbing his hand to be led to the car. 

The ride to mall wasn’t long. Soon, they had passed through the sliding door entrance. “Where do you wanna go first?” Thomas asked Alex looking around at the various stores inside. Alex knew he really didn’t need anything because Thomas had always given him anything he wanted, but he was excited to look around maybe for a new suit for work or a new watch, but all thoughts of that left his head when he saw the Build-a-Bear store. He looked over at the store longingly, but he was unsure of whether or not Thomas would want to go over there. He didn’t want to ruin their day by wanting to do something Thomas might consider a waste of time. “We can go in if you want,” Thomas said with a smirk. Alex jumped in excitement practically pulling his boyfriend towards the store. 

When he entered, Alex went straight to the new limited edition bears. His eyes grazed over all the different kinds. He ran his hands over the Ninja Turtles, the Nemos, and the Star Wars bears but none of them really spoke to him. He frowned until his eyes found a tiger cub. He rushed over to it and knew it was the one. He picked it up and felt the soft fur and said to Thomas, “This is it. This is the one.”

“Okay baby. Let’s go fill it.”

“Are you not going to get one?” Alex asked, confused. “Not today, babe. This day is about you,” Thomas responded stroking Alex’s hair absentmindedly. Alex smiled back at him and walked over to the stuffing station. He watched carefully while the woman filled his tiger. “Do you wanna put a heart in it?” The lady asked him. Alex looked over at Thomas questioningly, but it seemed that Thomas was one step ahead of them. He had picked out a heart and handed it to the woman. “You can record a message on this one,” the employee said attempting to hand the heart back. “I already recorded a message on it,” Thomas replied. “Alright let me play it once to make sure it worked.”   
“No! I’m sure it’s fine,” Thomas yelled anxiously. Alex looked at his boyfriend with puzzlement, but he didn’t say a word. “Don’t play the message until I tell you to. Okay?” Thomas told Alex sternly. Alex nodded at his boyfriend before taking the now sewn up bear from the employee. He mumbled a quick thank you to her and continued through the store.   
Alex was walking right by the shower station when Thomas asked, “Aren’t you gonna wash it?”

“No, I’m okay. I think I’m just a little too old for that.” Thomas grabbed Alex’s hand and spun him towards him. “Are you sure? I want you to have the full experience,” Thomas smirked as he spoke. Entwined in his boyfriend’s arms Alex kissed Thomas and said, “No, it’s okay. Let’s dress Thomas and get out of here.”

“You’re naming it Thomas?”

“Yeah of course. I’m naming him after my favorite person.” Alex unwrapped himself from Thomas’s arms and walked over to the clothing area. Alex knew he what he wanted for his tiger, and he found it almost immediately. He found a cute grey pinstripe suit for it and turned to look at his boyfriend. The couple paid for the bear at the counter and left the store. Alex was so excited; he refused to put the stuffed animal in its house instead opting to hold it. “What do you want to do now, babe? It’s still pretty early. I have dinner reservations for us at 8, so we have a lot of time to kill.”

“ Umm. I’m okay with whatever you want to do.” 

“Let’s see,” Thomas considered looking over Alex’s clothes, “You’re clothes are getting kinda old right? Let’s go to Von Maur and get you some new ones.” He pulled Alex down down the hall towards the store. “Thomas slow down. You're gonna break my arm off!” 

When the two of them reached the store, Thomas immediately took them into the men’s department. “Okay Alex. Let’s get you some nicer clothes.”

Alex looked around the the area, amazed by all the different styles, but a lot of the items were things he could never see himself wearing. There was one jacket that he thought was nice, so he took it over to where Thomas was standing. “What do you think of this one?” Alex asked hopefully. “Oh my god, Alex no. Put that back. Come on, I'll find you something worth spending my money on.” Alex knew he shouldn’t argue, but he still said,“But, I like it.”

“Does that matter? I told you to put it back!” Alex sighed but complied and hung the jacket back up on the rack as Thomas examined the other items in the store. 

Feeling slightly dejected, Alex walked over to Thomas who was now holding several articles of clothing. “Here babe, go try this on.” Alex nodded and made his way to the changing room.

After he tried on the first outfit, he looked at himself in the mirror. He thought he looked kind of awkward in it, but he stepped out of the room to get Thomas’s opinion. “Alex, you look gorgeous. You have to wear this tonight!” Alex beamed at the praise and dashed back into the dressing room to try on the other outfits. After every one, Thomas would tell him how great he looked making Alex’s smile brighter. 

Eventually, Alex ran out of things to try on, so the couple collected everything and went to the checkout. Alex nearly passed out at the price as it had reached over $1000. He tried to convince Thomas that it was unnecessary, but Thomas had insisted it was indeed necessary. 

By the the time they left the store, the sun was just starting to set. Thomas told Alex that they had to go get changed before dinner. Alex practically ran into the house to change into the first outfit Thomas had bought for him: a gray vest and pants. He came out to find that Thomas had changed into a light tan tux. Thomas smiled at him from across the room and was holding Alex’s tiger from Build-a-Bear. He tossed it to Alex and said, “Take this with you into the restaurant, but remember do not play the message until I tell you to.”

“Okay. I don't understand why you're being so secretive about it but okay,” Alex responded as he caught Thomas the Tiger in one hand. 

Once they arrived at the restaurant, Alex was overcome with wonder and excitement. Alex had never been to that particular restaurant before, but he could tell from the fancy chandelier lights the tonight was going to be special. He clutched Thomas’s hand with his left hand and his tiger in right. The hostess sat them at a table in the center of the room which made Alex slightly uncomfortable to be able to seen by so many eyes, but he tried not to let it show. 

The waiter came out about five minutes after they took their seats. Thomas, even though neither of them had even received a menu, ordered meals for the both of them, a steak for him and pasta for Alex. 

They stared awkwardly at each other sipping quietly from their champagne glasses. Alex finally broke the silence by saying, “Can you please tell me now why I'm carrying my bear around. People are starting to look at me weird.” Thomas chuckled and replied, “Patience is a virtue Alex. You will be able to play the message after we eat.”

He was so excited that as soon as their food arrived, he scarfed it down in a matter of moments. For that, he received a scolding from Thomas who on the the other hand was slowly eating his food, careful to examine each piece before putting it in his mouth. And so the minutes dragged on for Alex. 

Finally after what felt like an eternity, Thomas finished. “You can play the message now,” he said casually. Alex quickly snatched up his tiger from off the floor and squeezed its heart. Though partly muffled, Alex could make out Thomas’s deep voice saying, “Marry Me.” 

Alex snapped his head up to see Thomas smiling at him a ring box open on the table between them. Alex’s face began to blush as Thomas moved from his chair get down on one knee. “Alex, I've had this with me for a while, but I could never find the perfect moment, but there's no better moment than the present. Right? I want you to know how much I love you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I am positive that there is no one I’d rather spend my life with. You're my soulmate, so please marry me.” Alex nodded excitedly as he was unable to speak from how choked up he had gotten. Cheers and applause came from every direction of the restaurant. Thomas placed the ring on his finger before getting back into his seat. Alex looked down at his hand to examine it. It was a beautiful silver spinner ring with an inscription that read, I am yours and you are mine. Thomas and Alex forever. Alex leaned over the table to kiss his fiancé, tears still falling down his face. “I love you,” Alex whispered into Thomas’s ear.   
*  
Later that night, when they were alone cuddled together under the blankets, Thomas said, “I'm sorry for being mad at you this morning. I know it's not your fault that John came over, but I was just so angry that he wanted to take you away from me. I won't let anyone take you away from me. Ever."

That's when Alex realized something. This Thomas was the Thomas that they didn't see. Lafayette, Hercules, and even John never saw how sweet, caring, and protective he had been to him all day. They disregarded that in favor of the few bad days that Thomas and Alex had had, but "they don’t know him like I know him," Alex thought, "they don’t see him like I do. They just don't understand." Before drifting off to sleep Alex whispered, “They won’t. I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading this. Let me know what you think in the comments. 
> 
> Side Note: the mall that Thomas and Akex went to in this chapter is based off the mall near where I love.  
> Side Note 2: I have absolutely no idea where I'm going with this story next, so be patient with me if I start getting slow with updates.


	7. An apology (not a real chapter but please read)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm really really sorry.

Dear people,  
I could give you a long rambling excuse for what the hell I've been doing all this time and why I haven't updated, but I won't. I want to continue this story, but I want to know you guys still care about this story or if it's just time to let go. Please let me know what you think so I can try to figure out what to do.   
Sincerely, S.

**Author's Note:**

> Comment, kudos, please let me know what you thought. Thanks again, for reading.


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